Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
