I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
