the new term for farting is butt boxing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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