I didn't shave. On purpose
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
