Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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