She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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