..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
