i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
