quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
