Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
