What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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