So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
