Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
