I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
