Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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