If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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