I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
