can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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