I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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