I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
