and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
