Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize