My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
