Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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