Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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