i think my tv is drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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