Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
