just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
