So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
