someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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