maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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