the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
