Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
