I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
