I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
