sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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