This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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