take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize