he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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