fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
