HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
