smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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