I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had to cum in my sink.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize