do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
