this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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