I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
