We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize