Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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