I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
