When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize