I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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