Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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