He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
