the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
