I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
