the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize