I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
