And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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