benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
