My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
