Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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