You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
