Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
