My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
