I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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