She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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