You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
