Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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