I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
